DKS Blog

HOW DO I SHOW EMPATHY IN MY RELATIONSHIP? | APRIL 2, 2023

Empathy involves the ability to understand and validate your partner's feelings, perspectives, and experiences. Empathy is an essential aspect of any healthy relationship. In a couple relationship, empathy is fundamental for building a strong emotional bond and creating a safe and supportive environment where partners can share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.

What is empathy in couple relationships?

Empathy is about understanding and acknowledging your partner's feelings and perspective. When we empathise with our partner, we are able to listen and respond to our partner in a way that shows we value their feelings and understand where they’re coming from. Empathy is essential in our relationship as it enhances feelings of safety and enables couples to connect on a deeper level and build a stronger emotional bond.

Why does my partner struggle with empathy?

I have met a lot of couples in my therapy rooms and often I find one partner may be feeling that their partner’s lack of displayed empathy reflects a lack of feeling from that partner. Put simply, because their partner is struggling to show empathy, they think it means they don’t care about them. In my experience, many people struggle to show empathy and usually this isn’t because they don’t care, it’s that they haven’t learnt the skills to express empathy. This is one of the reasons I love my job. Helping partners show empathy is transformative.

Why is empathy important in couple relationships?

Empathy has a number of benefits in couple relationships. When partners practice empathy, they are better able to:

Resolve conflict: By being empathetic, partners can understand each other's perspective. When we feel understood, we are more likely to accept influence and work together to find a mutually beneficial solution.
Build trust: Empathy helps facilitate a safe, supportive and secure environment where both partners feel heard and understood, thus enhancing trust in their relationship.
Communicate more effectively: Empathy helps partners to communicate more openly and honestly, creating a safe space for sharing thoughts and feelings.
Strengthen emotional connection: Empathy can deepen the emotional connection between partners by allowing them to share vulnerable feelings and experiences.

How do I increase empathy in my relationship?

Here are some practical tips for increasing empathy in your relationship:

Be aware of your own feelings: If you're feeling angry, frustrated, or upset, it can be difficult to be fully present and empathetic with your partner. To be empathetic, we need to be aware of our own feelings and may need to regulate our own emotions to be able to sit with our partner’s feelings. There’s some amazing research behind this concept. If you want to find out more, I covered this in my shift communication masterclass.
Practice active listening: Give your partner your undivided attention. Listen when they are speaking and make an effort to understand their perspective without interrupting or judging.
Show support: Offer emotional support to your partner by acknowledging their feelings and offering comfort and validation.
Practice empathy every day: It is much harder to show empathy when we are feeling upset ourselves. Practice empathy in the everyday moments to enhance your empathy skills.
Practice perspective-taking: Perspective-taking involves putting yourself in your partner's shoes and seeing things from their perspective. When you’re listening to your partner stay focussed on what they’re saying – try putting your perspective on hold for a moment. Attempt to see things from your partner's perspective and understand their motivations and feelings.

Showing empathy in your relationship enhances communication and deepens connection by enhancing feelings of trust, safety and security. If you struggle to show empathy, you are not alone. Unfortunately, most people are not taught these skills regularly and may not have been fortunate enough to have them modelled for them. You can learn more of the skills needed to show empathy in our shift communication masterclass.